This reflection explores how our minds respond to uncertainty, and how mindfulness can help us relate more gently to not knowing
Sometimes it’s okay not to have all the answers. We don’t have to understand everything or everyone. However, our minds think otherwise; treating uncertainty as if it were a problem that needed to be fixed. This often causes a lot of stress
When we don’t know or understand something, we search for explanations and reasons. At times this is helpful and even important; if we develop a new health symptom, we need to take appropriate action. However, our need to know, to constantly fill in the blanks, can become addictive – especially when it is so easy to use the internet to find answers. But do we really need to know whether penguins have knees or why our cat is staring at the wall?
When uncertainty feels personal
Then there are those times when the uncertainty feels very personal eg when someone we know gives us the cold shoulder. If we don’t understand why this has happened, we try to fill in the blanks ourselves, searching for answers and trying to make them fit: ‘They’re angry with me’, ‘They’re unkind’ or ‘I’ve done something wrong’
These conclusions may feel temporarily satisfying because we have filled the gap in our understanding. But ultimately they create more uncertainty: ‘Why are they angry?’, ‘What did I do wrong?’ The mind gets stuck in a loop trying to resolve something that it invented in the first place
The truth is, we cannot know what another person is thinking or feeling unless they tell us honestly. This doesn’t always happen. However, this not knowing doesn’t need to be a problem – we just need to stop telling ourselves that it is. Once we can accept that we don’t know, this can feel hugely liberating
This doesn’t mean that we don’t care. It just means that we’re not trying to force certainty when there is none. When we put a full stop after the statement ‘I don’t understand’, this can feel like an enormous relief. We no longer have to do anything or find the right answer. It’s okay not to know
When we don’t try to come to a conclusion based on our assumptions and judgements, we leave space for compassion – perhaps understanding will come later or perhaps it won’t. Once we realise that it is okay for the blank to remain blank (at least for now), our mind can calm down – there is nothing to fix or solve. Rest can be found in the uncertainty itself
(This is something that may be explored in mindfulness sessions)
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**About Me**
I’m Sarah-Linda, a certified teacher of both the Alexander Technique and mindfulness based near Plymouth, UK. Through Living and Loving Mindfully, I support individuals in reconnecting with their bodies, easing tension, and moving through life with greater presence and flow
My approach is gentle and grounded in awareness — helping you rediscover your natural balance, without forcing or fixing
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